Wednesday, September 8, 2010

"Vampire" wants to be the next U.S. president

Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey
wants to be president.
Not content to freak out his family and neighbors, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey wants to give his delusion a national platform. From CBS News:

 "The Impaler" claims he's a direct descendent of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula.

He has scheduled a Monday press conference in Tampa to announce his plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P.

He ran for Governor of Minnesota in 2006 and also had short-lived bids for U.S. Senate in 2000, U.S. President in 2004, and U.S. President in 2008.

Note to Florida: thanks for making South Carolina politics looked a little more normal today. We'll be back with our A-game later this week when we reveal the attorney general has been fucking an ocelot. Or something. Whatever it is will be awesome.

1 comment:

  1. Back in my day, all we wanted was a couple of mates to have a pint with, maybe a throat or two to tear out.

    Now they're a bunch of poncey little cunts. "Oooh! look at me! I'm wanna be the first undead president!"

    Fuckin' kids today. No sense of propriety at all...


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