Monday, August 23, 2010

The Expendables

I saw two of the best movies of the year over the weekend. I also saw The Expendables. Sylvester Stallone didn't put a lot of effort into the script so I think I'll return the favor with this review. It's nothing personal.

The Expendables was fun when shit was exploding, but a tedious, one-dimensional bore in the more "dramatic" moments. I was pulling for Stallone because I liked Rocky Balboa and Rambo, despite their flaws. He's my generation's John Wayne and I'm predisposed to root for him even when I probably shouldn't (am I the only person on earth who likes Oscar?)

Still, Stallone earned my respect for the scene that's probably going to be the most talked-about moment in the film: the three-way hamfest between him, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's a confusing, preposterous (maybe even unnecessary) moment, which is just barely saved by Stallone's willingness to let his co-stars run roughshod over him. It was an inspirational act of humility. I just wish the scene had something going for it beyond the star power.

There were other strong moments in the film. The fight between Jet Li and Dolph Lundren was a hoot (and possibly the most unbalanced fight since Bruce Lee when toe to toe with Kareem Abdul Jabbar.) I also got a kick out of Terry Crews automatic shotgun, and the scene where Stallone and Jason Statham blow the hell out of a dock. But there just wasn't much of a movie to connect these moments into anything cohesive.

And what was the deal with Mickey Rourke's hair? Was he filming this at the same time as Iron-Man 2, or is this just his new look?

Meanwhile, here are some theories from mc chris about the subtext of The Expendables. Read the original post here. Spoilers abound.

1. the CIA is heaven
2. church, bruce willis, is the CIA front
3. Eric Roberts was the CIA drugrunner that got kicked out. He is Satan.
4. Satan corrupts the hearts of men THE GENERAL and his SOLDIERS
5. the soldiers all wear red berets that have five five pointed stars. they are SOLDIERS OF SATAN
6. the general's daughter is the pure soul good and evil fight over.
7. right before dying the general asks for forgiveness.
8. when asked if he'll be back stallone says, i'm always here. He is GOD/JESUS.
9. jet li forgives dolph, the SINNER, at the very end.

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