Spider-Man musical threatens very fabric of reality

On Friday, Good Morning America teased the upcoming Spider-Man stage musical (which I warned you about earlier in the week in this post.) Superhero Hype posted links to video of the segment, as well as a few photos of costumes from the show ... all of which had lead me to the following decision: I'm going to pretend this piece of shit doesn't exist. It's all a matter of rejecting reality and substituting my own. If you want to know what my chosen reality looks like, I'll give you a hint: it doesn't look anything like THIS:

Spidey gets some respect

Original Steve Ditko Spider-Man art preserved with Gutenberg Bible, George Washington's diary at the Library of Congress. Press play for proof!

My spider-sense is nauseous

Superheroes and musicals have a long history of fail, going back at least as far as the wretched It's a Bird...It's a Plane...It's Superman! show from 1966. Tim Burton and Jim Steinman even threatened us with a Batman musical a while back, and the fact that the project fell apart suggests there is a god (though the existence of Batman and Robin proves otherwise.) There are demos from the Batman musical floating around (and one was even recorded by Meat Loaf for Bat Out of Hell III) if you're curious, but they're just a little less disturbing than Two Girls/One Cup.

Not content to be out-done by DC, Marvel is staging a Spider-Man musical directed by Julie Taymor (who really ought to know better) and music by members of U2. If you want to know what to expect from the show, a song will be performed Friday on Good Morning America.

From Marvel:

If you're in New York, you can also see the performance live yourself and hear additional music from "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" by heading down to the Hudson Theatre, located in the Millennium Broadway hotel at 145 West 44th Street between Broadway and 6th Avenue. Audience members should arrive starting at 6:30AM on Friday, Sep. 20. For more information, visit http://SpiderManOnBroadway.com.
So tune in to "Good Morning America" tomorrow morning from 7:00AM-9:00AM EST to get your first look at Spider-Man's Broadway debut!

A few words about Spider-Man

I'm not a big fan of comic book reviews. As a subculture, we're an opinionated lot ... and our opinions are frequently tainted by our misguided sense of ownership over these properties. Think about it: how many comic reviews have you read that began with an explanation of how long the writer has been reading the adventures of a particular character? It's as though buying a comicbook is the same as buying stock in a character. Some folks think reading a book for more than a decade gives them a controlling interest in it (the same goes for Star Wars fans.)

So I won't bore you with how long I've been reading Spider-Man comics because it's kind of irrelevant.

That being said, I returned to Spider-Man not too long ago after a lengthy break. I hadn't paid much attention to the character but thought Brand New Day was a good chance to get back in touch with Web Head. Some good writers and artists were attached to the new direction so I decided to give it a shot. It also helped that the three-times-a-month publishing schedule meant I wouldn't have to wait six months to read an entire story arc, which was nice.

I didn't read One More Day, the story which "launched" Spidey's new direction. But I got the gist of the story: Spider-Man makes a deal with Mephisto blah blah blah. Who gives a shit? One More Day could have been a story about a hamster deciding he really, really liked cabbage for all it mattered. It's only reason for existing was to justify the new direction for Spider-Man. The rest was all bullshit. Ever since Crisis on Infinite Earths DC and Marvel have had an obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to justifying every editorial decision with an "event" story arc. Batman gets a new costume? Let's do a 12-part story spread out over six different monthly titles to explain the wardrobe change! Want to replace Green Lantern? Let's cancel the title, print a mini-series "event," lead into a new series (and oh-so-important new #1) and spend the next year celebrating how "new" the new series is!

"Event" stories aren't really stories. They're business plans with fight scenes.

But I digress.

I've really enjoyed the new direction of the Amazing Spider-Man title. Even better, when there have been occasional stories I didn't like, I didn't have to wait long for them to end. With three issues a month the duds never lasted long.

Which is why I was so distressed by the recent Shed story. Spoilers ahead: the Lizard goes berzerk and murders his own son. It was so ridiculously "dark" that I thought it was a joke. It read like a parody of the "grim and gritty" stories of the 1990s and I kept waiting for some kind of reveal that cleared things up. It never came.

Next was the Grim Hunt story, and the title should have been a warning. Amazing Spider-Man has been building to this story for some time so I was a little let down to see the point was just more murder (this time of Madame Web and one of the many "Spider Woman" characters ... who is used as a human sacrifice.) The Heroic Age appears to be over before it even began.

What I've liked about the new direction of Amazing Spider-Man is that it's been a very character-driven series. Peter Parker has the best supporting cast he's had in 30 years and the book has been both challenging and lighthearted. So Shed and Grim Hunt came as a bit of an unwelcome, anticlimactic surprise. With the rise of single-issue comic prices I've been giving a lot of subscriptions the axe lately. I shouldn't have to wait too long to see if the bad old days of heavy handed melodrama have returned. If it has, me and Spidey might be parting ways again.

The Daily Wire

Behind the scenes of Hobo With a Shotgun

 Edward Scissorhands by Craola

Fox mulls another adaption of Martian Chronicles 

 
Spider-Man pancake pan

 Bruce Campbell's Soup (via.) 

Clip from Batman: Under the Red Hood

Spider-Man 2099 4EVR

 When it comes to Spider-Man 2099, the Hypno Pimp might be the last fan standing. And he wanted to share this little clip with you, which reveals that Miguel O'Hara — Spider-Man 2099, himself — is part of Activision's upcoming "Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions" game. Watch the clip above.

News Design: Spider-Man

When you've got an image to work with that's this great, it's best not to futz with it. My hat's off to the designer, who was astute enough to recognize they didn't need to excessively Photoshop the art to make a bold statement.

News Design: Spider-Man

One of the cool things about Spider-Man 3 was that the "black costume" loaned itself to some interesting monochrome designs. A lot of artists took advantage of this to build some interesting yet simple newspages that were sometimes a lot classier than the actual movie.

As for Spider-Man 3, I'm one of those who kinda liked it. It's the closest thing I'll probably ever see to a Bronze Age Spider-Man movie ... those last 25 minutes were an issue of Marvel Team-Up come to life.